May 01 2009
The Demon known as Depression
I sit alone with her, this beautiful creature of darkness. There is no smile on her face, just a sadness and sense of longing. She is alluring, yet sullen. I welcome her with open arms knowing to what she brings. I do not see the darkness that surrounds her, even though I have seen it before, it’s always there. I only see what she shows me, because that is all I want to see. She offers me endless creativity and a feeling like no other. I want what she offers.
Her dark black hair falls daintily in her face. Brushing it away gently she looks to me timidly. There is an angelic nature to her, a quite peaceful creature with beautiful ice blue eyes and soft pale flesh. She taunts and teases me, waiting for a response.
Her morbid smile hides anger, but it is there. It comes out occasionally, but more often times she is merely lifeless. She is seen as a helpless creature, but has power far greater that one might think. Gentleness hides this power so that she can effortlessly draw in her prey. The power is there though and I am beginning to see it.
She is the demon known as depression, I know her well. There have been times where I have welcomed her with uncertainty, times where I have embraced her, and time where I have rejected her. I have fought her to rid myself of the pain that she brings, but she still remains my constant companion following me like a shadow.
There is a morbid comfort in depression, the artisan’s friend that makes creativity flow. But this creativity comes with a price, it brings sadness and pain. There have been times when depression has made me feel more creative and more focused, while other times it has been debilitating. I wanted to be creative, needed to be creative, but I wasn’t living my life with her there. This creativity that she brought was not worth its price.
This demon was living my life for me, instead of me living my life with her. I have learned to accept her though, for she will always be a part of my life. Always following me, she is the unwanted companion that I can not fight or reject anymore. Fighting off this demon only makes things harder, more painful. So I embrace her lovingly, comforting this lifeless creature for she needs love not rejection.
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Depression and anxiety have been a part of my life for many years now. But it hasn’t been until recently that I have had the opportunity to find ways to cope with these issues. Anxiety and depression can exist together, or separately. Both issues have had a significant impact on my life in various ways, and have affected every part of my life.
In regards to the coping skills I have learned, the coping skills I have learned work well for both anxiety and depression. With both of these issues it is important to remain in the present, living in the moment. Dwelling on the things that have happened, or the things that might happen, will only make the feelings of anxiety and depression worse.
One thing that I have been trying to do that seems helpful is to accept the depression and anxiety. Fighting against it merely prolongs the feelings they produce. Be one with the feelings, but don’t let them control your actions, feelings or thoughts. I have found this particularly helpful with the anxiety, and have just started using this coping skill with the depression. When I focused on the feelings I was having, accepted I was having them, and told myself that it was ok to have those feelings I began to feel calmer and relaxed. Sometimes we try so hard to fight how we feel that the reactions we are having take over.
I am not an expert on this subject I’m just sharing things that I have learned through my group therapy, which I have found to be a great help. It is an environment where everyone is encouraging, and the people there are very understanding, because everyone has similar issues. I believe that it is important to share our successes and failures in as many aspects of our life that we can, so that we can learn from each other. I have chosen to share this part of my life because depression and anxiety are common problems that many people must deal with. Sharing can also be a comfort because it makes us feel better to know that we aren’t alone, that others know how we feel, and that they are not being judgmental because they are where we are.
Very interesting post. The title caught my attention, so I came over to read it. Do you often find depression spurs creativity? I find the opposite and consequently get a lot of writers’ block
Your coping skill has intrigued me. It has me thinking and I’m going to give it a whirl. Thanks!
Depression affects me in different ways, at times it can make me more creative, and other times it kills creativity. I wish I could say why that happens, but I really don’t know.
I have been given some literature on depression, so I decided to share it in my blog. I thought it might be helpful to others.